Sport Columnists

IF YOUR boss spoke to you like Mikel Arteta speaks to his players, you’d be straight off to complain to HR.The effing and jeffing Spaniard comes across as a raving lunatic in the Amazon series All or Nothing: Arsenal.
Mikel Arteta is not afraid to use some fruity languageCredit: AFP
But there is clearly method behind the apparent madness because Arsenal’s impressionable youngsters are not only tolerating the dressing-room tirades, they are positively thriving on them.
Arteta, we are told, is one of the finest tacticians in football, having learned his trade under the tutelage of Arsene Wenger as a player and Pep Guardiola as a coach.
Yet all we see in the behind-the-scenes footage is a coach screaming “let’s f****** go out there and win the f****** game” in the faces of his bemused players.
It’s a complete contrast to the calm and measured Arteta we see in his weekly press conference.
READ MORE ARSENAL STORIES
And now we know why he always insists “what goes on in the dressing room stays in the dressing room.”
Which makes it all the more confusing as to why Arsenal ever agreed to the cameras invading the sanctity of Arteta’s personal space.
He hasn’t been done any favours by the programme’s selective editing, which understands that tactical tweaks on the training ground don’t make for compelling viewing but giving both barrels to your players most definitely does.
But the reality is that even the most cerebral managers resort to ‘industrial language’ when they want to get their message across in the few minutes available to them before kick-off or at half-time.
Most read in Football
And none of this should disguise the fact that Arteta clearly has a plan and knows exactly what he is doing.
More importantly, he has got everyone at the club to buy into his precious ‘process’ to Make Arsenal Great Again.

So when he decided that he wanted rid of dressing-room disruptors Mesut Ozil, Matteo Guendouzi and Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, the club backed him despite the cost involved.
Owner Stan Kroenke has allowed him to bring in around £270million of exciting young signings over the past year as well as awarding Arteta a lucrative new three-year contract.
And even the most sceptical of supporters are now starting to recognise a club moving back in the right direction after years of underachievement.
Of course, they are still a long way from pushing Manchester City for the Premier League title.
CASINO SPECIAL – BEST NEW CUSTOMER SIGN UP DEALS
Even breaking into the top four will be a challenge given the strength of the teams who finished above them last season.
But they are clearly in a much better place than they were this time last year, when they found themselves goalless, pointless and bottom of the table after three games.
In fact, with Bournemouth, Fulham, Aston Villa, Manchester United, Everton and Brentford next on their schedule, it’s not inconceivable that they could take maximum points from their first eight fixtures.
Arteta, though, will not allow anyone to get ahead of themselves because he knows from bitter experience that nothing is ever straightforward where Arsenal are concerned.
And should he need any reminder of just how quickly things can go wrong, he only needs to switch on his TV.
Arsenal: All or f****** Nothing.
NOTT A JOB LOT
THERE was a remarkable bit of transfer business at Nottingham Forest the other day.
They didn’t sign anyone for 24 hours.
Steve Cooper went a full day without signing anyone – then agreed a club-record deal for Morgan Gibbs-WhiteCredit: Alamy
Manager Steve Cooper has already got the hump with people laughing at the number of players the newly promoted club have bought this summer.
But it’s a good job the transfer window will soon be closing because they’re rapidly running out of space in the City Ground dressing room.
Maybe they could send a few of them down the road to nearby Leicester, who will take absolutely anyone right now.
JIM NOT SO DAFT
MANCHESTER UNITED fans waiting for Sir Jim Ratcliffe to buy their club would be well advised not to hold their breath.
In just the last fortnight United have been linked with Frenkie de Jong, Adrien Rabiot, Alvaro Morata, Casemiro, Joao Felix, Christian Pulisic, Antony, Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, Antoine Griezmann, Thomas Meunier and Marko bloody Arnautovic — and not one of them has been signed.
Even the world’s richest man and all-round weirdo, Elon Musk, has laughed off suggestions he could stump up the Glazers’ £5billion asking price.
So I’d give Sir Jim about 48 hours before he adds his name to that list of Old Trafford avoiders.
DEAN A DIMWIT
CONGRATULATIONS to Mike Dean for taking just three games as a full-time VAR to confirm what we suspected all along.
After 22 years ruining games as a Premier League ref, he is now cocking things up from behind a TV screen at Stockley Park.
Even with the benefit of ultra slow motion, myopic Mike still struggles to spot a foul.
He’s even had to admit he made mistakes after being left off this week’s fixtures because his advice to Anthony Taylor during the Chelsea-Spurs punch-up was so poor.
But it’s only a temporary absence. Like a wonky Terminator, he’ll be back.
NU WAY TO ACT
DARWIN NUNEZ has been told to ‘calm down, calm down’ by Liverpool after putting the nut in on Crystal Palace defender Joachim Andersen.
The Uruguayan hot-head is already earning comparisons to former Anfield idol Luis Suarez — which is not necessarily a good thing.
Darwin Nunez faces a three-match ban after his horrible headbuttCredit: Reuters
Let’s hope they’re not all wearing Nunez T-shirts to support their now banned team-mate at Old Trafford on Monday.
TODD A HUMBLE UN
TO Stamford Bridge, where the Democratic People’s Republic of Chelsea have unveiled a giant banner of Supreme Leader Todd Jong-Boehly.
Unlike Roman Abramovich, the new owner is clearly not going to be hiding his light under a bushel.
So if he wants a song to go along with his vanity banner, how about ‘Here ego, here ego’?
AJ LAST ORDERS
ANTHONY JOSHUA will be drinking in the last chance saloon tomorrow, which is the only place in Saudi Arabia where he can get a beer.
The former heavyweight champ insists he will not retire from boxing even if he loses his rematch with Oleksandr Usyk.
But a third defeat in five fights would be a hammer blow to AJ’s credibility and severely weaken his bargaining power in negotiations for future fights.
Read More on The Sun
So he needs to regain the WBA, IBF and WBO belts surrendered to Usyk at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium last September if that £150million showdown with Tyson Fury is ever going to happen.
Not that many people would consider the chance to go 12 rounds with Fury much of an incentive. More

WHEN Jurgen Klopp complained about the dry pitch following Liverpool’s opening-day draw at newly promoted Fulham, how we all chuckled.He’d already had a moan about the timing of the previous week’s Community Shield meeting with Manchester City.
Jurgen Klopp complained about the pitch at Fulham being dryCredit: AFP
So it was easy to accuse the grumbling German of getting his excuses in early.
But perhaps there was more to Klopp’s unease than just the unexpected dropping of two points.
Maybe, just maybe, he has seen the first signs of his team feeling the effects of the ageing process.
His starting line-up at Craven Cottage was the oldest in the Premier League over the weekend, with six players the wrong side of 30 before 36-year-old James Milner came on as a sub.
Read More In Football
To make matters worse, Thiago Alcantara joined a considerable injury list which leaves Liverpool with up to eight players unavailable for their next game, at home to Crystal Palace on Monday.
And if they are already struggling to cope one week in, you have to wonder how they are going to deal with the demands of a full league programme with a World Cup thrown into the mix for good measure.
Liverpool played an extraordinary 63 games last season as they reached the final of every competition they entered.
Yet they still remained competitive right to the very end, pushing Manchester City all the way to the line in the title race before being edged out in the Champions League final by Real Madrid.
Most read in Football
FREE BETS AND SIGN UP DEALS – BEST NEW CUSTOMER OFFERS
It was a remarkable feat of endurance made possible by the fact that they suffered no major injuries to any of their key players.
But they will not always be that lucky, no matter how much they might wrap their stars in cotton wool between matches.
Klopp is still haunted by the memory of Liverpool’s title defence in 2020-21 being totally undermined by Virgil van Dijk’s ruptured cruciate.
So you can understand him being a little jumpy about his options being exposed so early on when he had to name three academy kids on the bench at Craven Cottage last Saturday.

He is doing his best to overhaul his ageing squad, as demonstrated by the acquisitions of Luis Diaz, Darwin Nunez and Fabio Carvalho, the sale of Sadio Mane and a new contract for Harvey Elliott.
And there is still time to make further additions before the transfer window closes at the end of the month.
Yet that does not get away from the fact that so many of Liverpool’s most important players — Van Dijk, Mo Salah, Jordan Henderson, Thiago, Joel Matip and Roberto Firmino — are all entering football’s twilight years.
Now I’m not suggesting they are going to be falling off a cliff any time soon because when everyone is fit and available they are still a match for anyone.
But do they still have the physical capacity to maintain the monumental levels required to topple champions City?
Only time will tell… and that’s a commodity which is running out for some of Klopp’s weary warhorses.
Eddie’s in mire
THE Battle of Waterloo might have been won on the playing fields of Eton but 2023’s Rugby World Cup won’t be settled by posh boys.
At least that’s the theory of England coach Eddie Jones, who claims players educated at private schools lack resilience as well as leadership skills.
Those comments have got right under the skin of the RFU, who summoned the Aussie upstart to headquarters for a b*****king.
And they have every right to feel offended. After all, look at what a marvellous job Bullingdon Boris Johnson has made of running the country.
Eddie Jones has taken a rap on the knuckles from the RFUCredit: Getty
Al at it again
IT takes some doing to get Arsenal, Manchester United AND Inter Milan to all terminate your contract — but that’s what Alexis Sanchez has just achieved.
At least Arsenal had the brief “benefit” of obtaining Henrikh Mkhitaryan in exchange when they waved adios to Sanchez.
All United and Inter got for their troubles was a massive black hole in their bank account.
Now it’s the turn of Marseille to believe that they can get a tune out of the Chilean piano player and occasional footballer.
They have even handed him a two-year deal with the option of a further 12 months, which is obviously never going to be triggered.
Will these clubs never learn?
Alexis Sanchez has joined French club MarseilleCredit: AFP
Todd job is fool’s gold
IT’S like the first days of the Roman Empire all over again at Chelsea as the new owner Todd Boehly splashes the cash like there’s no tomorrow.
As good as Marc Cucurella may be, there is no way on God’s green earth anyone should be paying £55million for a Brighton left-back.
Now there’s talk of Chelsea forking out somewhere in the region of £75m for the Leicester centre-half Wesley Fofana, £67m for Barcelona outcast Frenkie de Jong and another £15m for Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang.
And that’s on top of the £110.1m they’ve already spent on Raheem Sterling, Kalidou Koulibaly, Carney Chukwuemeka and Gabriel Slonina.
All of which adds up to a £322.1m summer spending spree which makes even Roman Abramovich’s first few months at Stamford Bridge look tame.
It’s all very well Boehly wanting to make his mark at the club and there is no easier way of winning over sceptical supporters than by launching a transfer trolley dash.
But they say that a fool and his money are soon parted and Tinkerman Todd needs to show that he is nobody’s fool.
Fifa nap for Qat
NINETEEN weeks after the World Cup draw was made, it has suddenly dawned on Fifa that the host nation wouldn’t be playing in the opening match.
Not quite sure how that one slipped under the radar — but the governing body has finally rectified that error by starting the tournament a day earlier than scheduled.
Which means this football extravaganza will now get underway with a blockbusting clash between Qatar and the mighty Ecuador.
It’s a match which has my name written all over it.
The World Cup will now start a day earlier than scheduledCredit: AFP More

THE SPIRIT in the Manchester United camp out in Bangkok and Australia pointed to a new positive start for the club.While Erik ten Hag made the point that such tours had their downside, in terms of travel etc.. he felt the two-and-a-half weeks together would help the players bond again.
Ronaldo is desperate to leave Man UtdCredit: Rex
Ten Hag got off to a losing start as Man Utd bossCredit: Rex
He could sense how down everyone was after the end to last season and wanted to put a smile back on faces.
The new boss looked to have achieved that.
The social media postings of players having fun and indeed the performances looked like the dark clouds had been cast away.
Questions about Ronaldo would always come up, but he wasn’t with them and Ten Hag was enjoying working with the players he had.
READ MORE ON MAN UTD
Then they returned and it all blew up again and the work done in pre-season looks to have been washed away.
Ronaldo, 37, is such a huge figure at the club that his mood seems to permeate through the camp.
He is clearly not in a good one.
Having missed the tour his first action came in an Old Trafford friendly against Rayo Vallecano.
Most read in Football
FREE BETS AND SIGN UP DEALS – BEST NEW CUSTOMER OFFERS
He missed an early chance then there was a bizarre passage of play when James Garner passed the ball to him on half way and Ronaldo passed it straight back.
He did that four times in all before, Garner by now being closed down passed the ball sideways to someone else.
Ronaldo and the manager would have words during that half when in a break of play he called the players to his technical area.
Ronaldo’s reaction to the instructions he was being given was to put his hands out to his sides and seemingly protest.
It was not a good look and he was hooked at half-time then left the stadium before the end of the game.
For a manager who had been preaching ‘togetherness’ throughout the tour, this was ‘unacceptable’.
At the training ground his brooding figure is getting some players down.
A lot of the younger ones who were excited at his arrival, often feel kowtowed by his presence.
The immediate problem is that United do not have a recognised fit striker without him.
Anthony Martial missed the first game with a hamstring problem and while he had a good pre-season it remains to be seen whether that will translate itself into the Premier League.
Their inexplicable and short lived pursuit of former Stoke and West Ham striker Marko Arnautovic from Bologna was abandoned when a £7.6million offer was rejected.
They weren’t going to pay any more and the outcry from supporters also had a say in their u-turn.
Ten Hag tried to play Christian Eriksen as a false nine against Brighton and it simply did not work.
When Ronaldo did come on United looked better, but not much.
While there were cheers when he entered the field of play there were boos as well.
The group that waited above the tunnel when Ronaldo walked off at the end gestured as if to say ‘just go’.
Read More on The Sun
The problem is Ten Hag may have little choice but to play him in the next game against Brentford.
Hopes resting on someone who won’t even want to be there – how does a club the size of Manchester United get into such a mess? More