Euro 2020

DEAR continental cousins — please don’t tell anyone, but the English are secretly quite fond of the Germans.Your cars. Your washing machines. Your world-famous sense of humour. Your pop music . . . well, maybe not so much.
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Dear continental cousins, please don’t tell anyone but the English are secretly quite fond of the GermansCredit: Rex
But Jurgen Klopp’s smile. And Frau Merkel’s style. And what red-blooded Englishman could dislike a country where they eat sausages for breakfast?
We are even trying to be understanding about Merkel’s wish to ban all Brits from all European beaches this summer when the Germans were part of the great EU vaccination cock-up.
But we get it. We left your precious European Union. You’re hurt. Nobody likes getting dumped. True, England and Germany have some previous. We spent some torrid times in the last century kicking lumps out of each other.
But in the end, there was grudging respect in England for the fine country that Germany became after the last war. A place of peace and prosperity and democracy — at least the part of Germany that didn’t have a Russian jackboot on its throat.
My father had German shrapnel in his legs on the day he died. But I honestly can’t remember Dad ever having a bad word to say about Deutschland — even when I brought home a German girlfriend. Forgive and forget, eh?
And despite what Basil Fawlty said, we did not even need to pretend. As someone once said, you do not make peace with your friend. You make peace with your enemy. The exception is on a football pitch. Because it rankles.
The English invented football but Germany perfected it.
We came up with a sport and a pastime where flair, creativity and joy could run amok. And Germans turned football into a machine of frightening efficiency.
The English invented football but Germany perfected itCredit: AP
We need a defining moment like 1966
As dull as a VW Beetle, perhaps. As boring as a Miele washing machine in full spin cycle, possibly. As dreary as Frau Merkel’s face when Boris Johnson is attempting to do one of his elbow bumps. But German football — like any German product — works. The proof is on the respective shirts.
One tiny star twinkles on the England shirt, representing that golden day in 1966. The Germans have four.
They have also won the Euros a couple of times, although not for a while. That’s why they like to talk about “seven years of hurt” — that German sense of humour again — since they won a major title.
While England has other football rivalries — Argentina, Portugal and Scotland — it is true that the agony and the ecstasy of English football has largely revolved around games versus Germany.
With all that silverware back in the Fatherland, these dates might not mean much to the German football fan. But to the Englishman, they are sacred.1966 at Wembley. 1990 in Italy. The Euros of 1996. And tonight.
After all our people have endured over the last 15 months, it could truly mean as much as any of those sacred dates. But this is more than a chance to avenge penalty shoot-outs.
One tiny star twinkles on the England shirt, representing that golden day in 1966 but the Germans have four, here pictured Harry KaneCredit: Getty
Around 20 million of us will watch England v Germany tonight, Raheem Sterling poses during the official UEFA Euro 2020Credit: Getty
This is a chance to feel good about ourselves again.
Around 20 million of us will watch England v Germany tonight.
The fate of the nation does not rest on the result of the match, but the mood of the nation certainly does. Beating the real old enemy would be the shot in the arm our country so desperately craves and so badly needs.
Because right now the prevailing mood here is less than glorious. Because right now it feels like the UK is a nation suffering from long Covid. The shaming of Health Secretary Matt Hancock has revealed a stinking hypocrisy at the heart of our government.
When he was caught with his metaphorical pants down, it proved that our rulers truly do think there is one set of rules for them and another for the rest of us.
The frustration and the fury in the country is palpable.
This is a chance to feel good about ourselves again, pictured is Jordan PickfordCredit: Getty
There is something undeniably perfect about this mood-defining match being against GermanyCredit: Getty – Contributor
Something perfect about this match
The English are not a docile people like the Germans. It would be impossible to imagine, for example, the Germans ever voting to leave the European Union.
Even now, they are really good at obeying orders. It’s a bit different for the English. And our mood is sour.
Anger with Boris Johnson’s timidity — and hypocrisy — is palpable.
Frustration is everywhere. Tonight can set us free. It’s time to stuff Die Mannschaft — the German national team — right up the Wembley Way, just like we did in ’66. It’s nothing personal.
The Germans can quote our footballing national anthem — Football’s Coming Home — but it’s already home for us, here in Wembley at five o’clock tonight.
There is something undeniably perfect about this mood-defining match being against Germany.
It’s time to stuff Die Mannschaft — the German national team — right up the Wembley Way, just like we did in ’66Credit: AFP
For in the soul of every England football fan, no matter their generation, there is a secret chamber where it is always a rainy summer’s day in 1966, and Bobby Moore is smiling, Bobby Charlton is crying, and Nobby Stiles is dancing.
The 1966 World Cup Final was just a football match.
But I vividly remember what it did to the mood of a people who — 21 years on — still seemed to be recovering from the wounds, trauma and sacrifice of war. ­People like my mum and dad, my aunts and uncles.
Ordinary, working people. Good people. Worthy of love. Something in them came alive that day.
It was when the Sixties started.
Tonight’s match can be like that — a moment of national unity and collective euphoria, the chance for a battered, weary people to begin again.
The Germans can quote our footballing national anthem, Football’s Coming Home, but it’s already home for usCredit: Getty Images – Getty

We need a defining moment like 1966 — to lift our spirits, to remind us of who we are, to wipe away the gloom that hangs like a shroud over our battered nation.
From the local primary school sports day to the green fields of Glastonbury, this should be the height of English summer.
Yet the summer feels like it is already slipping away. But what if the Three Lions run rampant against the Germans tonight? Then it will feel like all our summer days arrived at once.
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DEAR island snowflakes — don’t whine just because we dare to quote your title song Football’s Coming Home when we return to Wembley Stadium — aka “unser Wohnzimmer” (our living room).It was you, who chose this song for Euro ’96, that we won. So, get over it! Please believe me — we’re not really being serious here. Well, almost not.
Wembley is our living room England… so WE are the ones coming home, says Peter TiedeCredit: AFP
But seriously — our team is coming home. Wembley is a place full of beautiful, good ­German history.
A bitter moment with the stolen victory in 1966 — almost every German knows the “Wembley-Goal”. And many sweet victories, like in 1972 or 1996.
We cherish this sacred space with respect and secret glee. Wembley is part of our collective German football heritage.
With us it’s always the same story — we just love to tease each other. Just a tiny bit. We Germans call this “love-hate”. A little bit of both.
We tell each other these stories, lounging on the sunbeds we took from you early in the morning on Majorca or the Costa del Sol.
But seriously — our team is coming home. Wembley is a place full of beautiful, good ­German history, says Peter TiedeCredit: Getty – Contributor
And we attest to the fact that we cannot find a decent meal in Portugal or Andalusia, because all menus everywhere are occupied with your “food”.
You are in our thoughts, when we need to binge drink as of 18:00 with warm, foamless beer in your (great) pubs, because of early closing hours, instead of enjoying our sacred Pils and Helles.
While not only watching our own football league, but your league (with our own coaches and players).
Every year there is a feeling of amazement when I look at English people in an Andalusian trailer park eating fish and chips in 35 degree or more heat. Then there’s the beachside search game — “find a Brit without tattoos”.
As much as we feud with each other on vacation, we are united in the fact we are great football nations and that others are mystified by our rivalry.
Paul Gascoigne of England argues with Stefan Kuntz of Germany during the England v Germany semi-final of Euro 96Credit: Allsport
Your delegates burned bright red — and ours in socks and sandals. And our kids: one part drunk in Magaluf, the others at the “Ballermann” in Majorca.
We look upon England, that for us always seems to waver between stiff upper lip and drunkenly uninhibited, with respect.
Here’s hoping for tonight because if nothing major changes we will show up basically without a defence.
This was obvious during both games against Hungary and Portugal. We had to force Portugal to shoot two own goals so we could have half a chance. We almost failed against Hungary due to harmlessness.
But we do know we Germans stumble through preliminary and middle rounds and at the end we are victorious . . . at least against England.
England’s captain Alan Shearer punches the air as he celebrates his goal against GermanyCredit: Reuters

So, no worries. We would love to celebrate our victory at Wembley, but — too bad our fans can’t be there. We’ll see you next time — at Wembley or anywhere else.
You have the better football songs. We have more football titles. So, don’t be sad when we Germans sing “Football’s coming home” tonight. And just in case you do manage to grab the title, just sing our song: “So ein Tag, so wunderschön wie heute . . . ”*
*Such a day, as beautiful as today . . .
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