CARLOS KAISER is the greatest footballer to have never actually played a game.
The Brazilian, now 60, charmed his way to a 13-year career in professional football – despite possessing little ability.
From charming mafia bosses to sleeping with over 1,000 women, the maverick is still a legendary figure in Rio de Janeiro.
Nicknamed Kaiser because of his supposed resemblance to German legend Franz Beckenbauer as a kid, the so-called “striker” was released after just six months with Mexican side Puebla as a teenager.
Upon his return to Brazil, Kaiser befriended the likes of Renato Gaucho, Carlos Alberto and Ricardo Rocha.
He became a regular on the Rio party scene, and used his charm to talk his way into professional contracts.
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Kaiser earned deals with the likes of Botafogo, Flamengo and Fluminense, but never with an intention of actually playing.
The closest he came was during a match against Curitiba.
Kaiser, who had been up partying the night before, was asked to come on with his team trailing.
Having been told to warm up ahead of coming on, Kaiser hopped the fence and starting fighting fans – being sent off before even entering the field.
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When owner Castor de Andrade came to the dressing room after the game, Kaiser’s team-mates thought his gig was up.
But Kaiser had a line up his sleeve.
Recounting what happened for the film Kaiser: The Greatest Footballer Never To Play Football, he said: “Castor de Andrade comes into the changing room.
“When he comes up to me I say, ‘God has taken both my parents away, but gave me another father who they accused of being a crook. So I lost it and went for them (the crowd).
“But don’t you worry because my contract is up in a week and I’ll be off. Then he called the supervisor and said, ‘Double Kaiser’s contract and extend it for 6 months'”
Kaiser had earned Castor’s trust, and that was just as well.
Because Castor was the renowned king of the illegal gambling underworld – a gun-wielding gangster feared far and wide.
At other points in Kaiser’s career, he faked injuries and feigned a lack of match practice in order to not have to play.
Without the technology of today, he was repeatedly able to get away with it.
A notorious ladies’ man, Kaiser would often pretend to be his illustrious team-mates when trying to seduce women.
But he was beloved by all, with Bebeto once saying: “His chat was so good that if you let him open his mouth, that would be it.
“He’d charm you. You couldn’t avoid it. That would be it.”
On how he managed to get away with it for so long, he concluded: “The players knew, but they were all friends of mine. The journalists… nobody was out to get me.
“And there was no MRI. I fooled the doctors. There was a time at the team I was playing in where they really wanted me to play and I had a dentist friend.
“The club president approached me and said, ‘You never play!’ I said, ‘I have the note here and they’ve finally discovered what my problem is. It’s a dental issue.’ It was pure lies.
“And at another club I played for, they brought in a black magic priest to perform rituals on me so my bruise would heal.
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“They were paying him nicely, but I went up to him and said, ‘Take your money, mate. There’s nothing wrong with me.
“Take your money and don’t bother doing your thing because I intend to stay injured for the rest of my life.”
Source: Soccer - thesun.co.uk
