I was a Premier League manager and turned to alcohol after defeat – now seven years sober I help others with addiction

IT has been seven years since Brian McDermott turned to alcohol to numb the feeling of defeat.

61-years-old and sober, the former Reading and Leeds manager is embarking on a new quest.

Instead of delivering resounding team talks, he’s leading the discussion on mental health and coping mechanisms.

McDermott found support from Russell Brand who attended an event at Sandhurst Town FC back in July, where he debuted his powerful message and experience.

His presentation, ‘Winning, losing, mental health and finding balance’ has since been heard around the country, as McDermott aims to help people open up about their own issues.

From his days as a player, turning out for Arsenal in Europe and enjoying promotion campaigns with Oxford United, Cardiff City and Exeter City, “Imposter” syndrome clouded McDermott’s thoughts.

He said: “I did not feel I belonged. Felt a complete ‘imposter’. One thing I was not going to do was let anybody know how I felt. I fell out of love with football from the age of 16.

“Having had an 18 year career, playing in the top division with Arsenal, playing in Europe and being involved in three promotion campaigns with Oxford United, Cardiff City and Exeter City, One would think, how lucky I was. How could I say I was not happy?

“I had this void inside me. My conclusion was to become the best manager I could be. I felt I did not do enough as a player, so the next best thing, be a Premiership manager.”

In December, 2009, McDermott got the top job at Reading FC – who were struggling in the Championship.

On the outside, he was considered to be doing a great job. Internally, though, he felt inadequate.

He said: “I found a solution to the thoughts, feelings and the sense of not belonging. What was it? Alcohol.

“It become my solution, my coping mechanism, my social life, my numbness from a defeat.

“My answer to any pain I might be feeling. It was my solution, until it became my biggest problem.”

By 2011, he led the club to the Play-Off Final. However, defeat to Swansea at Wembley led him down a dark path.

He explained: “In my management days I always had to drink after a game, which we had lost. It then became, after a loss, a draw or a win.

“For me, I woke up feeling anxious with that horrible sense of fear. The next morning win, lose or draw, it was always the same.

“Having lost the Play-off Final vs Swansea in 2011, I think I crossed that line. Anxiety, depression and an alcohol addiction, where the alcohol was not working like it once did.

“That sense of comfort it once gave me had now gone. What I thought was my biggest friend had my become my nemesis.”

A year later, McDermott and Reading achieved promotion to the Premier League.

But that didn’t stop the feelings he felt as an ‘imposter’ or make him any happier.

“Did it fill the ‘void?”‘ he said.

“Unfortunately nothing I have tried, bought, achieved has been the answer.

“I have learned it is ‘an inside job’ I can’t fix with external stuff.”

Things came to a head on February 14, 2015 when McDermott was working at Arsenal as chief scout.

He revealed: “Four years later. Four years of trying to stop drinking on my own and failing. Having periods of sobriety. Stopping, but I couldn’t stay stopped.

“I lived in a population of one in my own head. Reactionary, negative, anxious, lonely. Totally lacking in any gratitude.

“I went to bed. I had drank until three in the morning. When I woke up I was beaten, I was done. My first thought was, ‘I can’t do this anymore’.

“For the first time in my life, I found the courage and humility to say to the person closest to me, my wife, ‘Could you call the doctor for me’. Instead of judging, she put her arms round me.

“One day at a time, I have been sober since the 15th of February 2015.”

Source: Soccer - thesun.co.uk