JUST when I thought I had avoided a full-blown mid-life crisis, Sky have axed Soccer AM.
After three decades “All Aboard The Showboat” we are being forced to disembark.
The Luther Blissett stand — the studio audience’s enclosure — will fall silent for ever after the final show goes out on May 27.
It had taken me six years to get over the departure of former host, Helen “Hells Bells” Chamberlain — and now this?
It feels like my team has gone into administration, failing to find a billionaire buyer. We’ve had points deducted, been relegated, lost a derby to our local rivals and been bought by a dodgy consortium.
There’s no chance VAR has cocked this one up — the referee’s decision is final. In football terms, the clearout has started. Big Sam Allardyce won’t be getting the call to save the day.
The veteran on and off-screen team — who have entertained us through four decades — have failed to survive the dreaded vote of no confidence from Sky executives.
It’s not even a fire sale of the big names. They are all being unceremoniously turfed out for a younger, fresher, social media-focused format.
Magical camaraderie
The Sun broke the news online yesterday with a heavy heart — yet another TV institution running its course.
The loyal, hard-working and passionate team have been told they will be made redundant at the end of this season — with only ten more shows to go.
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In a statement colder than a wet Wednesday in Stoke, Sky said: “Soccer AM has played an important role in our coverage of football for the past three decades, and we continually adapt to the evolving needs of our customers.
“We now go into a period of consultation to discuss the proposed changes with our people. We are unable to provide more detail while these consultations are underway.”
Soccer Saturday anchor and pal of the show, Jeff Stelling, will be seething. Chris Kamara has definitely said: “Unbelievable, Jeff!”
The fabric of this fine country is held together by football, and Soccer AM has long been the unofficial starting whistle for weekend shenanigans for lads (and lassies) like me since 1995.
The love affair started with Hells Bells and Tim Lovejoy back in the 90s. Like the Radio 1 Breakfast Show, or peak Chris Evans with TFI Friday, you felt like you were part of the gang.
I’ll never forget the first time former Rangers defender Scott Wilson came up to me in a nightclub and said I had something on my shoe. I raised my heel and he said, “Oh sailor!”
That infantile banter was stolen straight from Soccer AM and repeated around the country on a daily basis, until the jokes wore thin and they found a new one.
If you’ve ever heard “taxi!” shouted at any football occasion (when somebody has shamed themselves on the pitch) THAT came from Soccer AM.
Third Eye, Nutmeg Files, Sky Spoof News, Skill Skool — if you know the show, they immediately bring a smile to your face.
The Crossbar Challenge — attempt to hit it with a shot from the halfway line — is one of the greatest games invented for football teams at any level.
The word “tekkers”, for sublime technique, was popularised on Saturday mornings, signposting an amazing display of talent.
It hasn’t been without controversy. I’d argue that’s the sign of any good show.
The Soccerettes — young women who were the subject of the male presenter’s innuendos — ceased to be in 2015.
They were out of date in the post-lads mag world. It was time to go and the show evolved. Fans of the week, Colonel & Ginger, Frankie Fryer away days, Tubes’ Question and rap, the end of season dance-off — they were all TV gold for my generation.
The sketches with the original team — John Fendley, Joe “Sheephead” Worsley, Robbie “The Tramp” Knox, Peter Dale and James Long — made the show essential viewing through my teens and 20s.
Then, in my 30s and now 40s, with Fenners — AKA John Fendley, the current co-host — taking the reins with Jimmy Bullard, and ace comedian Lloyd Griffiths for a few years, I’ve fallen in love with it all over again alongside my teenage son on the sofa.
Soccer AM still pulls great guests and it should be admired for shining a light on new music talent. It’s not just about football, it’s about the bands that soundtracked our weekends, and so many of the show’s clever collages of video clips.
We still quote Bob Bradley, Fenners’ pastiche of a US soccer coach. Yorkshire News and Barry Proudfoot sketches still make me laugh.
Fenners’ voiceover and lip sync to old pictures of Gary Lineker and Alan Smith at Leicester in the ’80s makes me laugh every week. Without sounding too much like Alan Hansen and his infamous “You’ll win nothing with kids . . . ”
Match Of the Day barb about Sir Alex Ferguson’s Class of ’92, I don’t see where the new show will recreate that magical camaraderie.
Saturday morning without Fenners and Bully laughing at hapless fans failing to hit “top bins” — positioned in the upper corners of the goalmouth — will be like getting in the team bath with your socks still on. It will feel so wrong.
It’s the kind of emotional turmoil a man in his 40s, who still thinks he’s in his 20s and dresses like it’s the ’90s, just can’t process without careering off the rails.
Critics will say the show’s been slipping down the leagues for years, but I admire the way it has evolved.
We’ve grown to love the effervescent Jimmy “Bully” Bullard.
Producer turned show star Peter Dale — “Tubes” to the uninitiated — has survived a heart attack and alcoholism, for heaven’s sake. We lived through that with him. He is our North Star, but he is going, too.
Last night former star Rocket, real name James Long and the face of show segment Skill Skool, posted on Twitter: “End of an era!”
Former host, now TalkSport presenter, Andy Goldstein added: “Honoured to have been a part of it, all be it for just a season (a bit like Cantona at Leeds) Tim and Helen were incredible. To be a fan for so long and then sit on the orange sofa was the stuff of dreams.”
I was very lucky to take part in the car park challenge twice, in 2011 and 2013.
My first outing, dressed in full Scotland kit, witnessed one of the greatest moments of my life — right up there with my kids being born. I rolled the ball up the inside of my leg, then hit on the half volley as it dropped. Wallop! I’d dreamed of doing that for 15 years — straight through.
It was only usurped by Sergio Pizzorno from Kasabian, who flicked it up in a pair of winklepickers then volleyed it clean through the inflatable Wembley Arch.
All the more impressive when you knew he hadn’t been to bed the night before.
That was the magic — Soccer AM had authentic rock’n’roll spirit that will be hard to replace.
The Gallagher brothers loved the show, and Hollywood stars such as The Rock were more than happy to get involved in the Pro-Am.
Sky are hoping a new phoenix will emerge from the flames with those painful words middle-aged men fear, “whilst hoping to attract a younger audience . . . ”
It all feels a bit like that journeyman footballer when his legs have gone.
Remember Gary Neville’s last game at Manchester United? He was knackered, the legs gave in and even for his biggest detractors, there was something sad about seeing him hauled off by Sir Alex Ferguson in the first half.
But I believe there’s still room for an Indian summer for Soccer AM — the format is too good to give up.
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Source: Soccer - thesun.co.uk
